Insensitive Alex Morgan

Posted: October 25, 2011 in Memories of things that didn't happen
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I sat on the grass, leaning back on my extended arms with legs splayed out in front of me.  I was hanging out with the USA Women’s Soccer Team.  I was also very pregnant.  Wait, I thought, Guys aren’t supposed to get pregnant.  Isn’t this weird?  I contemplated a little more.  Shit, maybe it’s just really, really rare.  Damn.

The phone rang in my pocket and I answered.  The voice on the other line spoke.  “Hello, this is Jerrifus, I’m looking for Martin.”

“Sorry,” I replied.  “That’s my dad.”

“No problem, I just wanted to let you know that the soundtrack to Conan the Barbarian is now in iTunes.  Also, I have several pictures from the movie I can email you and would like to know who among your whitewater rafting friends may be interested.”

I thanked Jerrifus and hung up.  I picked up the conversation I was having earlier with the soccer players seated in the circle on the grass with me.  Alex Morgan pointed at my bloated stomach and laughed.  “It looks like a hairy soccer ball!”  I was a little annoyed, since my stomach isn’t at all hairy.


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